Next day, I called the Council on Aging again. This time, instead of allowing myself to get into a debate with the snowflake at the front desk, I asked to talk to someone else. She gave me to someone named . . . well, actually, in the interest of not outing the young man as the doubletalking soyboy faggot that he is, I won't publish his name.
I explained the situation, and that I had to go to Flint for a funeral and had no way to get there. The faggot paused for a second or two -- over the phone, I could hear gears shifting and rusty wheels turning -- and said "well . . . we don't usually do that . . . "
"Don't usually," I observed, "means that sometimes they do. Right?"
"Ummmmhhh . . . " (the double clutch hesitation that says: Jesus Christ, just leave me alone so I can get back to texting my friends on Facebook).
Try the cemetery, he suggested. Try the funeral home, he added, grabbing at any straw that might convince me to give up and go away already. (Yes, I'll try those. Pitchers of margaritas will fall from the sky before either the cemetery or the funeral home come get me, and take me home, but I'll call them anyway.)
"But sometimes you do. Correct?"
"Well . . . actually, it has to be approved by management . . . "
NOW we're getting somewhere. (BTW: ever notice that, whenever you have to deal with Generation Dumblebumble, the convo quickly de-evolves into something that resembles pulling information out of a balky eight year old? Or a middle-aged woman? Same thing.)
Tomorrow -- it's already almost four in the afternoon -- I'll Google search the Council On Aging and find out who actually is in carge, and contact them directly. And leave the young man at the front desk alone. Playing Minecraft, after all, does require one's undivided attention.
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